* * * * * * *
If you don’t mind, let me also take the chance to share a bit about my recent digest. I am now reading two books – Italo Cavino’s Mr Palomar and Kong Zi’s Lun Yu (孔子《論語》). Both of them are inspiring in their own ways. I particularly want to mention Mr Paloma . . . the Italian writer just wrote the journey of Mr Palomar, doing the most ordinary stuff in every day life – looking at the sea, swimming, on the beach, hearing birds singing . . . almost like some really minimalistic cartoons like Moomin. By putting himself into some kind of mission in doing these activities (e.g. enjoying the view of a beach with a naked woman on it), different kinds of unanswerable philosophical questions raises up feeling the confinements and boundaries of literally everything . . . and then in each of the attempt to solve the matrix of these grand problems through the actions . . . it’s always like the problem is unsolvable and is still there.
After reading the book a bit, the feeling that nothing can be ensured and that many problems are actually self-wrestling further implant in me.
Lun Yu is not very relevant with the discussion. Yet, I want to say it’s almost unimaginable that there were once old moral standard (and good old Chinese language) that we are very unconsciously inheriting and yet they are lapsing so quickly (just take a look at the inhumanity of the PRC society).
Actually I don’t have an answer / proper response to your piece. In one line, I just feel like some change’s needed . . . maybe not by discipline, but by realization (very Buddhist huh?) to the need.
Uh, I also feel like you don’t actually know what you need. I don’t know either. But at least not the current things that you constantly do (like heavier and heavier drinking) . . .
I have this realization again just because recently, I have been playing heavily (with 3 hangovers a week). I feel like I am out of balance, and I am avoiding the current dark side of my life – my mum. It may be a bit callous to say, but she’s now like a wound to me. I can’t help by making her happier, but making her sad by those grumpiness out of super stupid reasons . . . And then in the end, I feel it’s actually NOT a problem of her, it’s a problem of mine. My angriness / sadness to her is the angriness / sadness to myself.
But I am not able to handle it.
* * * * * * *
沒有留言:
發佈留言